Getting divorced at 30 was never in the script. I didn’t see it coming and what’s worse, I had to face divorce just a few months after my father suddenly passed away. The fairy tale life I had pictured for myself was soon replaced with the ugly reality of grief and rejection. I now had to somehow figure out what on earth I was going to do with my life without my Dad and with divorce hanging over me.

What scared me most was this unwavering, staunch reality of having nothing. I had nothing to show for my life. I had lost everything that gave me a sense of reason. I had to sell my house and move back to my childhood home. I no longer felt fulfilled at work. I had no drive, no self-worth and no hope. In truth, I was not prepared or accepting of this new life that had been thrust upon me. But then a spontaneous solo trip to Amsterdam changed all that.

That gut feeling is always right

There’s no denying that taking a solo trip abroad one month after officially separating from your husband may seem extreme. Irrational maybe. Perhaps I was running away from my problems and not facing up to my realities. But the truth was I didn’t care about all that. Even though a few of my family and friends didn’t think travelling alone was a good idea, there was nothing that was going to stop me. I had this overwhelming feeling that was urging me to go. This feeling was so strong that I could not ignore it. That burning desire to solo travel could not be dampened by fear or self doubt. The moment I stopped worrying about what others thought of me, the moment I was able to take back some control over my life. As soon as I stepped on to that plane on my own, I unknowingly opened myself up to a future full of new opportunities. A future I may never have discovered if I had decided to listen to others instead of myself.

I had a promise to keep

Whilst I was trying to get my head around the complexities of divorce proceedings, my 31st birthday was fast approaching. Rewind to a year ago, I was turning 30 in New York City and I was excited for what life in my thirties had in store for me. As I looked out from my hotel balcony at the New York skyline, I promised myself in that moment that I would always travel somewhere new for my birthday. I have always loved to travel, so why not spend my birthday doing something that I love? Oh how much can change in a year! But I wasn’t about to let what happened stop me from honoring that promise I had made to myself.

I needed a break

Grief and divorce are a bad combination. Each come with their own challenging emotions and there came a point where I had had enough. I had such an overwhelming urge to get away from it all. I decided that I needed to take some time for myself and step away from all the chaos. I longed to have a moment where I didn’t have to put on a front and could just be myself. I knew I needed to be by myself with my own thoughts. It had been a rough few months. I was definitely in need of a holiday and by god I deserved one! Sometimes going through a really bad time is as good excuse as any to treat yourself.

I had to prove to myself that I could go it alone

There came a point where I had some serious growing up to do. My whole life I had relied on other people. I had always sought guidance and security from my parents or my ex husband. I had never really learnt to stand on my own two feet and I knew I needed to change that. I had to prove to myself that I could be on my own and survive. I needed to start believing in myself. Solo travel helped me to fall in love with being in my own company again. When I travelled solo for a second time, I felt more confident in my own ability. I spoke to locals and fellow travelers without hesitation. I sat in cafes and bars on my table for one with my head held high. Solo travel was my awakening. It taught me more about myself than ever before. It taught me that being on my own and doing my own wasn’t impossible. In fact, I found it exciting. I finally felt free. Free to be unequivocally Emily!

Travel brings me closer to dad

I have always had this underlying desire to want to explore and see the world. There is no denying that my desire to travel comes from my dad. He worked on the QE2 cruise liner for over 10 years and always had the most incredible and often amusing stories from the places he had visited. We always said he should have written a book about his adventures. The story about the time he walked into what he thought was restaurant in Hong Kong which actually turned out to be a family home, and that it was only when he asked for the bill did he realise he had been fed their entire dinner, was always one of my favourites. I too want to find my own stories in the places I discover and want to be able to bring joy in sharing them as my dad did. He always said I would love Amsterdam and had been trying to persuade me to go for years. I hope that his memory can live on through my upcoming adventures around the world. Something tells me he will be there with me in spirit every step of the way.

So I packed my bags and I have never looked back! All my life I had stuck to doing ‘the norm’, never breaking the mold or believing I was capable of getting by on my own. Solo travel proved me wrong in the best way possible. Solo travel helped me to realise that there was a whole world out there waiting for me. One with endless possibilities and new experiences that I could truly call my own. One where I could grow through grief and learn who I am as an independent woman. Solo travel would gift me something which I never thought was possible after divorce; a better relationship with myself.

Thank you for reading my blog. I’d love to hear your own solo travel stories and why you decided to solo travel for the first time. Feel free to comment below.